A Fragile Rainbow

© 2020 Violet Ashes

Sometimes I forget just how fragile she is.

I left the house late, 6pm, to go & get some groceries in the hope the shops would be quiet. Just a handful of things – but important things. Like bread, cheese, milk, ham.

While I was gone Cory experienced the full force of an overwhelmed, tired toddler’s complete meltdown. To his credit he didn’t try & rationalise or reason with Violet. He just held her until she fell asleep, sobbing in his arms. It didn’t start over anything in particular. Her brain just stopped processing anything rationally.

When I got home she was passed out, snoring heavily on the couch. I could tell she’d been crying. Cory looked relaxed but perplexed. It is hard, there’s nothing you can do when she works herself up to the point that she’s crying that she’s crying.

I woke her so I could give her some dinner. She said her head was hurting & she started crying again. She asked for medicine. Her eyes were glassy & red & she was cradling her head. Rubbing her eyebrows. So panadol to the rescue.

Now she is sitting on the couch eating her dinner, smiling, laughing, happy. Watching ‘Rainbow Ruby’ which appears to be this generations version of ‘Care Bears’.

There’s so much going on & yet nothing at all. We’re mostly stuck at home. Jack & Violet have been inside the house for a month except for exercise & the occasional run to the post office where they have to wait in the car & I hope they don’t get kidnapped or suffocate…

© 2020 Violet Ashes

We watch them. We explain what’s going on in simplified terms. We try not to scare them but they know that something is very wrong. I argue that they should be scared. Fear stops you doing silly things.

Jack keeps taking everyone’s temperature with his grocery scanner & saying that we are ’37’ or ‘100% ouch’. Then he gives us a bandaid. Violet keeps packing her backpack with all of her precious things & knows where her shoes are at all times in case she has to run from the virus. That’s how they make sense of it & protect themselves.

When I see her sleeping I remember just how small & delicate these kids are. Violet is almost 3, Jack is 5. That’s not long to be expected to take on so much. We’re healthy & lucky.

For now, I am content to know she slumbers under a safe roof & she is loved in epic proportions. We protect her & Jack the best we can. The responsibility of guiding them through something I barely cope with, myself, is hard but paramount. And I will do it even if I have to watch a zillion episodes of ‘Rainbow Ruby’ just to make her feel better.

#RainbowRuby #daily #VSLR #JSAR #Covid19 #Corsmor #parenting #kids #family

Motivational Fig

This year I have a motivational word by which I want to define my year: ‘Growth’. Emotional growth – sure. Knowledge growth; definitely. However, the biggest part of my life in which I want to experience growth is my garden. Growing things, being outside & teaching my kids how to grow food & work together to build something is one of the reasons we moved a bit further out in the country two years ago.

There is freedom here, not complete freedom, but space & quiet that we didn’t have before. It has helped clear my mind & my heart of a lot of things that were holding me back in my growth. I think I have had a peek into the life I have always wanted — but it will take growth.

I have not published a blog since September 2016. A lot has happened in that space. Most importantly, we met our final family member, the beautiful Violet. I plan to add a few blogs that will fill in that time so life makes sense, but I might not get a chance. In any event, the last year has certainly been challenging. I not only met my daughter but my Son turned 2. He is a running, yelling, conversing, building machine & keeping me on my toes. Unfortunately, I also lost two of my best friends this year quite unexpectedly. The loss of those two souls in my life has left a silent hole in my heart. I have many unanswered questions. I miss them daily, hourly, minutely. I wish they were here to play with my kids & chat about our lives. There is so much I could say that trying to find the words leaves me exhausted.

In any case, to mark the beginning of 2018 growth we planted a healthy green Fig tree in our back yard. He was a gift to me from a friend (RG) & has been lovingly tended to since he was a seedling. He has been ready to find a permanent place in our yard for a little while but today seemed like the right time. It will be interesting to see how his growth matches my own. The soil here is mostly clay so it will be a challenge to keep him healthy but what’s growth without challenge?

Jack & our newly planted Fig Tree