Tag Archives: digger

Peachy

 
It’s not my fault, it can’t be my fault
That you speak to me the way you do.
Now I’m split in two,
I’m half me half you but I hate us both, don’t you?
 
No of course you don’t, of course you don’t
You said life is peachy without me
Of course you don’t, of course you don’t
You said life is peachy without me
 
It’s not your fault, it can’t be your fault
That I let you crawl inside my head
Cause you know my places, & know that face
But I hate this taste, don’t you?
 
No of course you don’t, of course you don’t
You said life is peachy without me
No of course you don’t, of course you don’t
You said life is peachy without me
 
It’s no one’s fault, it’s nobody’s fault
That I fell on you & you on me
It’s what humans do, & they pass on through
But I think we can’t, don’t you?
 
No of course you don’t, of course you don’t
You said life is peachy without me
No of course you don’t, of course you don’t
You said life is peachy without me
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Comment:

Troyski

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It’s a nice poem. But the word fault is part of the blame game (as you may very well be aware of).

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Where I Stood

For Digger – if you ever read this… It’s all I ever wanted to say but never found the words x

Where I Stood”
 
I don’t know what I’ve done
Or if I like what I’ve begun
But something told me to run
& honey you know me it’s all or none
 
There were sounds in my head little voices whispering
That I should go & this should end
Oh & I found myself listening
 
‘Cos I don’t know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
& I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
 
See I thought love was black & white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain’t leaving without a fight &
I think I am just as torn inside
 
‘Cos I don’t know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
& I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
 
& I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself & so I say to you
This is what I have to do
 
‘Cos I don’t know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
& I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

Current mood: sad
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St Patrick’s Day

Out shopping I received a text to meet up with Digger at the Albert for St Pat’s day drinks. He’d had his head shaven the day before for a Leukemia fundraiser and I hadn’t seen him yet. Having known him for the past 15 years I never would have imagined him with no hair…!

Chesty and I made our way back from emptying our bank accounts at the shops to the pub where we met up with Digger and his brother. Digger leaned forward so I could rub his shaven head! How bizarre a feeling.

The night moved on… Green Kilkenny and Guiness all round – EW!!!!

Frakkin’ Fantastic

I have just finished watching the second series of Battlestar Galactica & I have been blown away! What an incredible story, I am addicted.
 
Digger texted me half way through, saying he was amazed how much he can relate me to Starbuck. I had noticed it myself & it only became more apparent as the episodes went on that it was true, right down to the minor details.
 
It will be almost a year until I get to see season three. I am wondering if by then my dreams will have stopped – I have dreamed about it every night for weeks now. I’m beginning to wonder if I am going to become one of those crazy obsessed fans who stalk the actors… probably a good thing that I live in Australia.
 
Reading up on the actress who plays Starbuck (Katee Sackhoff) & I discovered we have many things in common, including being born 4 days apart in the same year. She has a tattoo on her arm which says in Latin “Public Property” – something that has been written into the series – I loved that idea.
 
I am hoping that season three DVD’s are not so far away as a year…

BSG

Ratiocination

 
Ratiocination
I had a dream
Dismal dream
Nightmare dream
Scream
Woke to a scream
In the room
Dark room
Bedroom
Felt eminent doom
White walled fear
In the air fear
My fear
Saw death near
Heard the night bite
Flesh bite
Struggled sleep to fight
Fire fight
Time for thought rational
Felt rational
Ration-All
Take pieces & fall
Deep sleep fall
I see a dream
Distant dream
Silent dream
©Violet Ashes 1999
 
I wrote this about a week ago after being tormented for a week by the same nightmare every night. After I wrote it I stopped having the dream. Maybe that was just coincidence, I hope not. I think my poetry is improving, I have been looking back at some of the stuff I have written & I do not like a lot of it. I hope that I keep improving, I would hate to think that this was all I have in me.
 
I have a job interview tomorrow night, I am not looking forward to it but I need the work. It does mean I won’t be able to catch the train back with Riot Grrrl but I am sure she will understand. I might be able to convince Digger to go with her, I don’t like her catching it late at night without me.
 
I feel tired all the time at the moment – I am smack bang in the middle of accepting so many things that have happened to me. Trying to work through them all at once. I seem to have less trouble with some of the things than I used to; trying to understand why MC did the things to me that he did. I still have days where wondering is as far as I can get & understanding seems so far away. I don’t have the nightmares anymore & I don’t flinch when Digger’s hands come near my face. It has only taken 5 years but I am closer to knowing that it is all over & I cannot be hurt anymore.