Tag Archives: RIP

A Spoonful of Sugar…

I was born on Good Friday. So I kind of consider today my lunar birthday. My planet, Mars, is high in the sky near the moon which is full & bright, much like life should be. We had a Blood Moon Eclipse on Wednesday. I should have seen the warning.

A phone call in the early hours of this morning has left me in mourning & it has poured with rain ever since.

I have thought a lot of my uncle who died last night. He was quite young & though not always healthy this was unexpected. My father, near inconsolable, told me through tears & husky throated words. Slipping between shock & understanding as I lamented the loss & offered support. I moved swiftly into protective mode as I always do when either of my parents are upset.

There is nothing I can do. I cannot fight death & tell him to stay away. I cannot promise things will be alright. Of course they will be alright but where Geoffrey should be there will always be a blank space. He is the first of a family of 5 brothers & sisters to die, & suddenly, it is a shock to us all.

I remember Geoffrey most in his early twenties. Sitting me down as a little girl, pointing to himself in his High School pictures & saying;

“This is me, this is when I got sick” & me asking in my 8-year-old way
“what kind of sick? What happened?”
He replied; “I took things & my head got sick”
“Oh,” I said, in almost a whisper
“But I’m okay, I’m happy” he said.

Geoffrey developed early onset, severe & chronic Schizophrenia. There were a lot of tough times after that conversation. Geoffrey lived with us for quite a while; my parents took care of him until his illness became unmanageable. I remember him being there & the care they showed him even when things were tough. I do not remember the stress my parents must have been under with 2 young children of their own & a sick (yet medicated) young adult all living together in a small cottage. I only remember the impression that family takes care of each other & love is important, it makes people happy even when things seem bad. It makes life bearable.

In the decades that followed, medication for Schizophrenia improved. At times Geoffrey made more sense in conversation than the rest of my ‘sane’ family put together. He certainly made more noise. I always knew when he was visiting my other uncle because they lived one street over from us & the noise from his drum-kit would fill the street. That used to make me laugh. Now the thought that I won’t hear it makes me melancholy.

So we are one less but I did learn something. The love of family that takes care of you when you need it most; the ones that feel it when you’re gone, are the ones to keep the closest, if only in your heart.

Blood Moon Eclipse 2014

Blood Moon Eclipse 2014



33 years of less Joy in the world. I hope your rest continues to be a peaceful one Ian Curtis.

“New Dawn Fades”

A change of speed,
a change of style.
A change of scene,
with no regrets,
A chance to watch,
admire the distance,
Still occupied,
though you forget.
Different colours,
different shades,
Over each mistakes were made.
I took the blame.
Directionless so plain to see,
A loaded gun won’t set you free.
So you say.
We’ll share a drink & step outside,
An angry voice & one who cried,
We’ll give you everything & more,
The strain’s too much, can’t take much more.’
I’ve walked on water, run through fire,
Can’t seem to feel it anymore.
It was me, waiting for me,
Hoping for something more,
Me, seeing me this time,
Hoping for something else

Black Apple Blossom

Now I have never professed to be the biggest fan of Apple or anything ‘i’, but I, like a lot of people can appreciate that true inspiration comes from rare, inquiring minds. So thank you Steve Jobs for your unique view that changed the world forever.



All night tonight while I have been trying to relax there has been nothing but Heath Ledger. Every fucking ad break. Now they are doing a tribute to him on Saturday. Why? Because he is dead & they suddenly realise what he is worth? All these bullshit stories coming out like because he is dead it must be something torrid or untoward.
Why? Can 28 year olds not die of pneumonia? Or a heart attack? Why must it be that he took every pill & was fucking every woman in Hollywood or a curse because he was dating Kate Hudson – if he was dating her, at all. Imagine how his ex feels & that poor little 2 year old girl who is the same age as Maximus. Now without a daddy. Who will ever know what really happened to him & why he was half way across the world in an apartment instead of with his child. That poor little girl.
I know I do not know this person called Heath Ledger. I know I will never know him. But that does not mean that I do not feel sad, because I do, I always do. Every time I know someone is dead. There is a strange thing that happens to me. I am fascinated by death & its affect on people – especially on me. Is it because it is so mysterious that people have to make up all these stories? “Welcome to 10’s late news, Heath Ledger, Heath Ledger, Heath Ledger….” I am going to bed.
Mood: Frustrated