Tag Archives: music

Back In The Tori Forest

I have had 4 days with the new Tori Amos album: Unrepentant Geraldines & although I have only heard it all the way through, oh, about 30 times I feel I can safely say this is an unrepentant masterpiece.

It is Tori back to where we all want her deep down – at the piano with a soft drum & guitar hum, suitably, in the background. Her voice floats over a range of tracks that explore stories of unapologetic & unrepentant women through art & from various points of view. A shapely yet delicate web of experience, memory & desire have made up this album & I could not help but feel it must have taken significant time to compose. I have since read that Tori wrote these songs “in secret”*. Through this solitude Tori has produced some of her most melodious & distinctive sounding songs to date.

There are epic tales in these odes (‘Wedding Day’, ‘Wild Way’), beautiful, haunting lyrics that whisper & curl around you as lullabies do (‘Weatherman’, ‘Invisible Boy’, Maids of Elfen-mare), fun & bizarre tunes (‘Giant’s Rolling Pin’ & ‘Rose Dover’), a duet with her daughter, Tash (‘Promise’) that would touch the heart of any mum & then there are those special few that will be your favourites (‘Trouble’s Lament’, ‘Oysters’).

I was lucky enough to get hold of the deluxe edition of ‘Unrepentant Geraldines’ which has one extra track & for me it was everything I felt was missing from the album & this track remains my favourite: ‘Forest of Glass’. I found the darkness & depth of the track completed an incredible album. An unrepentant album. And as ever, I remain, an unrepentant Tori Amos fan.

Forest Of Glass – Tori Amos

Steal me away
Steal me away
From where I stand
Although I’m kneeling down
On the ground
Steal me away
Steal me away
From where I stand
Although I’m kneeling down
On the ground
The owl hoots & the moon beams through
A doubt awakes a voice dares to ask
Will you follow
If you love him you will follow
Will you follow
If you love him you will follow
If you love him you will follow him even ’til
His forest of glass
Forest of glass
His
Robbing the muse
Is, Is that what I’ve done
They turn & laugh
Back you do cannot do
We are the robin’s muse
& we will sing for you
Lift up your head
Lift up your heart
Lift up your head
Lift up your heart
The owl hoots & the moon beams through
A doubt awakes a voice dares to ask
Will you follow
If you love him you will follow
Will you follow
If you love him you will follow
If you love him you will follow him even ’til
His forest of glass
Forest of glass
His
Steal me away
Steal me away
From where I stand
Although I’m kneeling down
On the ground
Lift up your head
Lift up your heart
Lift up your head
Lift up your heart
Lift up your head
Lift up your heart
In his forest of glass
Forest of glass

Mirror Sculptures by Rob Mulholland

Mirror Sculptures by Rob Mulholland

*Tori Amos on ‘secret songs’ and SA“. IOL. 26 March 2014

Violet Dirge

 

PianoDeath.jpg

Not long ago I was asked which songs I want played at my funeral. I have always thought this a private request & although it is written in my will & there are a few close to me that know what needs to be played, I began to think more about this & about why I feel so protective about these songs.
 
Had I chosen the songs for me? For my family? For my husband? Would there be any mourners to hear the songs? Would they cry…? Do I want them to cry…?
 
I started to look across the web at other blogs & found that a lot of people are talking about this subject. I started to ask my friends & family about this. Almost all of them had a clear idea of what they wanted to be played at their funeral. Even though they will not be there to hear the songs or see the reaction it seemed intensely important to them.
 
Music has been a huge part of my life so I found it a difficult decision to pick just one song, so I settled on three & the version of the song is just as important as the song itself. It was a private experience, I am protective of these songs, they have been on every compilation I have ever made – they have been everywhere with me. These songs are like children to me. I will love them forever & I never grow tired of them. The lyrics speak to me, they remind me of events & emotions. I think about them constantly. They have been constant companions throughout every stage of my life.
 
To settle the question, yes, they were chosen for me. Not my family, my husband, or anyone else. And come the day that they are played the mourners may all look around the room & wonder why they are being subjected to these songs but (I hope) there will be a few in the room who will hear me in the songs & know why I chose them. If not, then they will be left with the puzzle to ponder – perhaps they can listen to them on a journey somewhere & think of me in a new light.
 
In The Air Tonight (Live Version) Phil Collins
 
A Forest (Acoustic Version)The Cure
 
Precious Things (Album Version) Tori Amos
 
There is one more song which I keep just for Corsmor, my Husband, it is not to be played at my funeral unless he chooses. It says so much about us & how we love each other – something I’ve described in the past as “nice weird”.
 
Deep In The Woods (Album Version) The Birthday Party (Nick Cave/Mick Harvey)

I have uploaded them to my YouTube video channel, you can view them by clicking on the name of the songs above.

Clair de Lune (Moonlight)

I awoke screaming this morning with a man standing over the top of me. In those few seconds I was submerged in decades of memories & my heart pounded out of control. As my eyes focussed & my ears warmed up I heard Corsmor whisper,
    “Hey it’s only me… are you okay?”
I closed my eyes again, slowly. My eyelids visible to me as they shut out the light. Confusion & then relief. As I rubbed my sore neck & shoulders it was then I realised my skin was clammy with sweat & I was shaking uncontrollably.

I got myself up & shook the horror somewhere deep down while I showered & washed off the nightmares that I could not remember. The water was hot enough to burn my skin right to the bone; boil me alive. I stayed that way for an hour or more.

When finally I did get out of the shower, I saw myself in the foggy mirror, my naked body looking small & overwhelmed with red & stinging scars. As I dried my hair I remembered moonlight from my dreams. I wrapped a towel around myself & walked barefoot to my piano where I sat down. The notes from ‘Clair de Lune’ filled my mind. My fingers shook on the keys & I stroked them like a long-lost pet,
“can I remember how to play… this?” I whispered
Then, like the rusty magic of a teenage boy my fingers floated & pressed on the keys, I knew the tune & it knew me. Then came calm, unimaginable.

This tune is part of the soundtrack of my life – first heard as a girl. I dreamed of one day seeing Paris, of walking streets unknown, unseen. Lying somewhere on the grass staring up at a new night sky – stars I have never seen – in a place of beauty rivalled only by the music it makes in my mind.

(visit YouTube to hear – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LXl4y6D-QI)

Moonlight in Paris

33

image

33 years of less Joy in the world. I hope your rest continues to be a peaceful one Ian Curtis.

“New Dawn Fades”

A change of speed,
a change of style.
A change of scene,
with no regrets,
A chance to watch,
admire the distance,
Still occupied,
though you forget.
Different colours,
different shades,
Over each mistakes were made.
I took the blame.
Directionless so plain to see,
A loaded gun won’t set you free.
So you say.
We’ll share a drink & step outside,
An angry voice & one who cried,
We’ll give you everything & more,
The strain’s too much, can’t take much more.’
I’ve walked on water, run through fire,
Can’t seem to feel it anymore.
It was me, waiting for me,
Hoping for something more,
Me, seeing me this time,
Hoping for something else

Keys in the Dirt

Despite the wanting to, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to sit in a quiet house and play my piano like a mad woman. Though recently I’ve been feeling the notes in my fingers and I notice my fingers are playing tunes on every surface they touch. Tap, tap, tap. The steering wheel mostly – they involuntarily start campaigning against me.
 
Maybe it’s time to pull the piano back into the Garden…
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Where I Stood

For Digger – if you ever read this… It’s all I ever wanted to say but never found the words x

Where I Stood”
 
I don’t know what I’ve done
Or if I like what I’ve begun
But something told me to run
& honey you know me it’s all or none
 
There were sounds in my head little voices whispering
That I should go & this should end
Oh & I found myself listening
 
‘Cos I don’t know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
& I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
 
See I thought love was black & white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain’t leaving without a fight &
I think I am just as torn inside
 
‘Cos I don’t know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
& I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
 
& I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself & so I say to you
This is what I have to do
 
‘Cos I don’t know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
& I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

Current mood: sad
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Fix You

Add the song ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay to the list of songs I wish someone had written for me! I had not every really listened to that song until today, I wish I had sooner.

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
 
& the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
 
Lights will guide you home
& ignite your bones
& I will try to fix you
 
& high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth
 
Lights will guide you home
& ignite your bones
& I will try to fix you
 
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
& I…
 
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
& I…
 
Lights will guide you home
& ignite your bones
& I will try to fix you

Lights Will Guide You Home

Dirty Creature

Split Enz concert tonight at the Entertainment Centre in Adelaide. Interesting evening.
 
I of course lost the tickets – why does that surprise me? But we made it in any way.

** Panic **

I was distracted by you all night, sitting so close. I loved the concert, the music, that distance closing between us. I have felt so far from you that I am sure my frustration showed.
 
We agreed that the average age there was almost certainly late 30’s – interesting as I knew Chesty was sitting with J way across the sea of people both of them way beyond my meagre 26.
 
They played “Dirty Creature” – I was looking forward to that though of course I’d not told you. Not sure you noticed me singing it… listening to it? There is so much I don’t tell you that I want to.

Dirty Creature come my way from the bottom of a big black lake
Shuffles up to my window making sure I’m awake
S’probably gonna pick my brain
Got me in a vice-like grip
He said one slip, your dead. Ha.
 
Dirty Creature of habit, little horror here to stay
Anyone in his right mind would tell it to go away
But the river of dread runs deep, full of unspeakable things
The creature don’t mess around
I don’t wanna mess with him
 
I don’t wanna sail, I don’t wanna sail
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna sail tonight
Dirty Creature’s got me at a disadvantage from the inside.
 
Tentacles on the brain keep me from falling asleep
I’m rooted to the spot, the beast don’t know when to stop
Sneaking up from behind, Binds & gags my wits
Dirty Creature got my head exactly where he wants it
 
I don’t wanna sail, I don’t wanna sail,
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna sail tonight,
Taniwha is waiting for me just below the surface so bright
Even as we speak the Dirty Creature springs a nasty surprise.
 
Dirty Creature knows my type found it in a magazine
He’s seen the look of fear before splattered all over the screen
The animal magnet thug draws me out of myself
I need a dragon-slayer who can save me from myself
 
I don’t wanna sail, I don’t wanna sail,
I don’t wanna set sail for the middle of nowhere tonight
Dirty Creature’s got me at a disadvantage from the inside
I don’t wanna sail upon the waters of invention tonight

You held my hand as we walked through the crowd, I was cold, but warm being so close to you. You ‘ran into’ a friend, her name escapes me. I do not know what, or who, overcame be but I wanted to run. I wanted to take you in my hands & run you through my fingers, far from there. Jealousy perhaps, she was of course, breathtaking. I have never clearly understood why you would be interested in me at all being 12 years my senior & not to mention surrounded by beautiful women? What can I say after all, we are apparently “just friends…” Women gather themselves around you – I am no different to them in this regard & cannot put my finger on it myself. You have this most stunning aura, & a laughter from deep within that seems so addictively honest & sincere. I have my moments still believing that you simply cannot be real.
 
The crowd went mad before the first encore – you included – seeing so many sides of you that I did not know where to look & yet could not take my eyes off of you. The spoon solo made you laugh & how I love to hear you laugh; that innocent Meta that I rarely see. Your shade of Jade so often is your front fence.
 
I did not want to leave you at all. You seemed to want to leave me though so I let it happen. I will never know why.

“And so, that’s how it goes. Never the first, always the last to know”
~~ Tim Finn

Split Enz Concert

I’ll Be The One

I ‘re-found’ a song today which fits perfectly in with how I am feeling. I am not sure how I ever lost this song. It is on Powderfinger’s first album.

When you are set to throw in your hand
When you are far from home
When what you believe is buried in your hands
When you feel outgrown
I’ll be the one to pick you up again
When you decide you’ve had enough of it
I’ll be the one
I’ll be the one
When your speech is slow
When your eyes are closed
When you feel betrayed
When your heart is frayed
When your feet are cold
When your sights are low
I’ll be the one to pick you up again
When you decide you’ve had enough
When you’re set to throw it in
I’LL BE THE ONE.

I wish that I was that person for someone. I try hard to be there for Riot Grrrl especially because she has a lot going on, but I think I fail a lot of the time. I am trying to spend more time with her. Not because I think she needs me, but because I like spending time with her & I should make time. Especially if what she has been saying is true; she is going to live in Darwin when she has finished her degree. I am not afraid that she will, I am happy that she has found ‘home’ but I think I should make the most of our friendship while she is still here.
 
She gave me back our book today. Some of the things she said were surprising – she has discovered that someone she knew did not die the way she had been told (in his sleep). That he shot himself in the bathtub & was not found for what sounds like weeks which means that he had absolutely no dignity left. In my opinion it is what he deserves.
 
When she spoke to her mum about it all, her mum said, “I hope he burns in Hell.” That is fair enough I think, but Riot Grrrl said “God forgives & he’s probably in heaven”. I’m not going to stop her believing that but, in my opinion, if God existed, there is no way in Hell that what that man did can be forgiven. I think Riot Grrrl has to come to peace with it, but forgiveness does not come into that equation. That man should spend eternity having to live with what he has done to her. He should have to be tortured for what he has done. There is no forgiveness for such a crime. If God forgives things like that then there is absolutely no point in trying to be good & worry about any of it because he is just going to forgive you. Riot Grrrl isn’t the hypocrite here, God is.