Well it is Depeche Mode day in London today – the concert of concerts and although I cannot be there is hasn’t stopped me listening to all of their albums all day. To be truthful I did not expect some of the songs to be so hard to listen to. Some of them, like ‘One Caress’, ‘In Your Room’ and ‘I Am You’ take me back to a time so close to my heart, into an area of my past I try not to stray. My heart physically aches when I hear these songs.
Almost all of them link me to a very special man with whom I shared many long nights. One of the darkest & most amazing periods of my life. Depeche Mode was the soundtrack at that time, there was nothing & no one else but him & the Mode. Even when things seemed a total mess, he brought me to a point where nothing in the real world mattered. He became my reality. He took me out of the blackness of depression & brought me into his light. For this, I am eternally grateful.
He heads off to the concert today – his excitement is palpable & I desperately wish I could have been there. The sadness that engulfs me when I think of him, listening to Mode in the heart of London, without me is almost unbearable but inescapable.
Even though we have both moved on to other people & different lives we still keep in contact. I cannot imagine how it would feel for him to be gone… I cannot imagine his (still beautiful) face being gone.
Missing someone is one of the hardest things to feel. Especially when there’s no real way to rectify it. You just have to miss them. You have to wish for them. And then, you have to let go.
I Am You ~~ Depeche Mode
You have bound my heart with subtle chains
So much pleasure that it feels like pain
So entwined now that we can’t shake free
I am you and you are me
No escaping from the mess we’re in
So much pleasure that it must be sin
I must live with this reality
I am yours eternally
There’s no turning back
We’re in this trap
No denying the facts
No, no, no
No excuses to give
I’m the one you’re with
We’ve no alternative
No, no, no
Dark obsession in the name of love
This addiction that we’re both part of
Leads us deeper into mystery
Keeps us craving endlessly
Strange compulsions that I can’t control
Pure possession of my heart and soul
I must live with this reality
I am you and you are me
I am you and you are me
I am you and you are me
I am you and you are me
There’s no turning back
We’re in this trap
No denying the facts
No, no, no
No excuses to give
I’m the one you’re with
We’ve no alternative
No, no, no
Violet Ashes 