Tag Archives: life

Beyond

 
 
Sitting on a cold concrete cricket pitch. 2 AM. Vodka – Raspberry.
No one had told me I was clever before
And I began to understand that I could think
I could think what I thought on the page
By writing it down
On the pages you read when we were riding on trains
In the years of late adolescence into early twenties – beyond
Writing & sketching & painting & drawing
Our lives in our broken-girl language that
Engulfed notebooks & scraps of paper on my desk
No one had told me I was allowed to believe before
And I began to understand that I could think & dream
On pages, in notebooks, with pens & with pencils
Sharing echoes of nights & skipping rope ideas
You were the influence & the alcohol & the cricket pitch
That I think about when I am bruised & stuck for material
The idea that I can be clever & totally believe-able
Came from your mind into my hands
To the pen, to the page, to the world – beyond
I wish I could give you something to pay you
For telling me who I was when you could, when you did
But you’ll go to bed tonight empty handed,
Thinking & wondering & painting your dreams
Because you knew what I didn’t when you knew it, way back then
And you’ll live knowing more than I can ever comprehend.
© 2013 Violet Ashes

Advertisements

9 Lives

The last week has been a challenge. An in the mind, in the heart challenge.

There are plenty of things that can be & have been said about Corsmor. I have heard & listened to every word. I have felt every word – both the good & the bad. Some of it the loveliest praise that could be given, some of it like needles in my bed. None of it is new or surprising to me & none of it pushes me away. When you marry someone who has had many lives this is something you accept. It is something you take responsibility for right alongside them. I told him this last night. To which he replied “this is the last of the nine lives, the last chance”.

I cried so hard inside.

So this is the responsibility I have. To ensure the last of his nine lives is one people will never stop talking about…

I Don’t Blame You ~~ Cat Power

Last time I saw you, you were on stage
Your hair was wild, your eyes were bright
& you were in a rage
You were swinging your guitar around
Cos they wanted to hear that sound
But you didn’t want to play
& I don’t blame you

I don’t blame you

Been around the world, in many situations
Been inside many heads in different positions
But you never wanted them that way
What a cruel price you thought
That you had to pay them back
For all that shit on stage
But it never made sense to them anyway
Could you imagine when they turned their backs
They were only scratching their heads
Cos you simply deserve the best
& I don’t blame you
 
I don’t blame you
 
They said you were the best
But then they were only kids Then you would recall the
deadly houses you grew up in
Just because they knew your name
Doesn’t mean they know
from where you came
What a sad trick you thought
that you had to play
But I don’t blame you
 

They never owned it
& you never owed it to them anyway
 
I don’t blame you