Category Archives: Childhood

“Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days.” ~ Flannery O’Connor, Mystery and Manners: Occasional Prose

Winter Glimmer

FIRST DAY OF WINTER
I have been afraid of the dark for as long as I can remember. My parents always let me leave a light on during the night, which they would sneak in & turn off. This would only make the situation harder when I would wake up in the darkness. There would be screaming in my mind during those few terrifying seconds reaching out to turn it on in order to chase the night away. Most of these nights I would escape my bedroom, sneak into Leo’s room & sleep on the top bunk. His quiet sleeping noises were always a comfort.
 
Now it is dark outside so early & for so long that the nightmares are here again.
 
I feel fear & it has been so long. I am afraid of the way they move, appearing in the space between breaths, stilted walk & always a backwards-kind-of-forwards. Never uttering a word that I can decipher, only distorted static.
 
Through the day, in the light they appear at the most unusual times, always quietly before I have realised they are there. I spot the ‘flash’ out of the corner of my eye & see them there in their death. Why always the dead? Why not the living? Are they there? Mum & Dad used to say it was my overactive imagination –
 —Always “overactive”
 —Never “just perceptive”
Where is the distinction?
 
The nightmares are never a comfort even though I pine for them if they are gone too long. Never wanting the nightmares so much as needing them. They are what made childhood my own world. Now they only come when it is truly dark. Every night, a cold haze swallows them, stilted by my bedside, if it were not for the lamp I am sure they would envelop me & I would gladly join.
fear_of_the_dark

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Faery Garden

I have an essay due tomorrow but needed to get my brain together.

 
I Stood Against The Window
 
I stood against the window
And looked between the bars.
And there were strings of fairies
Hanging from the stars;
Everywhere and everywhere,
In shining, swinging chains;
The air was full and shimmering,
Like sunlight when it rains.
 
They kept on swinging, swinging,
They flung themselves so high
They caught upon the pointed moon
And hung across the sky.
And when I woke in mooning,
There still were crowds and crowds
In beautiful bright bunches
All sleeping in the clouds.

This poem is by Rose Fyleman from ‘Fairies & Chimneys’. I used to get lost in the land of fairies a girl. I still think of them as I walk around my garden at home & hope they will come out of hiding. They must still be there – & I still believe. I like to think of them as protection. I think Ric has found them & that’s why he loves it so much in the fern garden. When the sprinklers go on he sits in there for hours. He comes out shivering but he seems to love it. I think he thinks it is rain because he always runs around in that too.

Fairy 2

Picture from Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairy Book – Brian Froud