Missing Denial

I have tried to suppress my submissiveness. Why express something that seems no longer valued or required? After over a year of this I am asking why I am denying this part of me. I do not deny all of my submissive tendencies but they’re much more everyday & mundane now. I care for my husband & for our marriage but there’s a piece missing. Something that had become unique, special, secret has lapsed. I miss the mix of pain & pleasure; not being able to speak or move without being asked. I miss watching porn that he chose, I miss the bruises. I miss the wince of pain when I sit down. I miss jelly legs & his gentleness as I exit subspace. I miss the bonding, the trust & the evolution of something entirely between us & no one else. How long does it take before missing becomes needing?


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