Meta told me tonight that discussing The Barn hurts him. I do not want to hurt him but how do I not mention the issues? The constant speeding when it seems to affect everything we do. He cannot control himself & the blame seems squarely on me. The eyes of his friends & family squarely on me, all waiting for me to get him out of this mess – change him, bring him home. I do not have that kind of power over Meta, no one does. They should all know that by now.

Meta chooses his family – bloodlines have nothing to do with it. Those lucky enough to be chosen, never let go.

What he really feels is guilt because he The Barn situation fucked up his friendship with Cole & truth be told I think that is upsetting him more than anything. What I cannot work out is why I should care about this? After how poorly she treated me. I feel sorry that Meta is upset, but I do not feel sad that these ties are dying. If he really cared about them he would have done more to support them, you do not just abandon family. Especially those who you chose to call family.

I will need to keep an eye on this – for fear of becoming redundant too.

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